raise me up.
life has taken a downward dive recently.
been drained by a tuition student from hell.. piles of qualitative analysis readings...
and simply the lack of proper sleep.
the lack of sleep translated into a snappy Veen which spouts incomprehensible nonsense.
my most sincere apologies to those i have caused unhappiness, i am so sorry!
was really too exhausted to be thoughtful, however that is never a reason to snap...
for the few significant ones, thank you for staying by my side and holding me on.
the words of encouragement and prayers we shared have kept me going on.
"desire what not you desire, but desire what God wills for you".
thank you for the reminder, that whatever problems, trials and pains we face now,
is in good preparation for the coming of Christ glorious kingdom. thus have faith.
after a good kitty sleep in the evening and sorting-outs with a few people,
i have came to cherish the fact that, by taking a step back and allowing things to happen in God's time according to God's plans, bliss will follow and fill up the heart.
it is when we stubbornly insist the materialization of our desires and selfish needs,
refusing to let God take control of our lives, then we would be confined in misery.
we do not understand why we are unhappy or unsatisfied or miserable,
coz we failed to appreciate the role of God's blessings in our lives.
i went down to Sim Lim Sq. for a quick scout for a new digicam earlier at noon today.
well... it wasn't a fruitful trip. the shops no longer sell the previous model i had.
pity. that Pentax Optio S was just me in short. compact, light and metallic-furnished.
Grandma says i shld jus quit being sentimental and opt for a newer model.
you see.. sometimes, it is more that the novelty a new digicam provides...
it's the emotional bond between the personalized product and its owner that can't be replaced.
i still miss my baby.
causeway point
have any one of you had the intense feeling of deja-vu?
the type where events in your dreams literally materialize right before your eyes?
in that split second, everything in your surrounding becomes surreal.
what are dreams?
classical psychologist Freud defines dreams as the subconscious tellings of oneself without a clear narrative. in essense, dreams are our suppressed desires that are unattainable in social reality. thus as a brain activity, dreams are guided by absolute freewill and is unrelated to anyone else except the Id.
in our dreams, we condense the past and act out the compensation of unfulfilled desires and regrets. by that very act, we displace our desires into the dream due to its unattainability in real life, thus complete our innate primodial desires where sweet endings are reconstructed into traumatic experiences. what dreams like products of popular culture such as fashion, movies/entertainment and material objects offer us are temporal relief from social experiences and its concomitant conflicts.
for one, i do not believe in dream interpretation.
however Saturday's experience proved to be one of deja vu,
where snippets of one of my dream was materialized.
complete with a sweet ending albeit minus the ice cream.
Saturday's outing was a chain of unexpected fortunate events.
walked across the causeway to avoid the infamous jam,
completed customs clearance on both sides in less than 40mins.
went off to buy mooncakes at City Sq. disappointed were the guys coz there wasn't much free sampling of mooncakes due to the lack of stalls on show. only couple of shops had booths.
did i mention that City Sq Level 2 has this Singaore Visitors' Center smack on the prime spot?
Mike and i suspects that City Sq is partially invested by Singapore. hahah.
then the guys suggested buying DVDs so off we went to Holiday Plaza.
my goodness... i didn't know that these pirated DVD shops had secret compartments too!
and they offer delivery to Singapore, right to your doorstep for a fee. wow...
but nay, didn't get anything. prob watched everything i wanted to on big screen.
eh. the mooncake sampling was in fact at Holiday Plaza anyways...
there were few funky flavours like Banana-Toffee, Tiramisu and even Raspberry-Cheesecake.
it's like eating candy assortment in the form of mooncakes..
there're also isomalt-mooncakes suitable for diabetics and low-sugar mooncakes.
which of coz uses a sugar-substitute called Aspartame. what's the point man?
the nite ended with seafood dinner at a 'zi-char' restaurant.
the fried bee-hoon was really so damn good we had 2 plates!
so were the fried calamari. way better than any Italian restaurants!
lesson learnt: do not order mussels or shell fish. there're more shells than real no. of clams.
okay... then where did all the shell fish go to since the shells ARE there... hmmm...
the funny thing was, any self-respecting Chinese zi-char stall would have Oatmeal-Prawns.
this one ran outta oatmeal... we figured someone back there in the kitchen was really hungry...
but the food's really cheap, fresh and yummy!
the company was really fun too and that's what makes a great outing =) thank you people!
Sundays are marked by the usual routine of waking up at 10am...
crawling into the kitchen to start my coffee machine running..
while waiting for it to warm, i'll take a bath and return to a freshly brewed coffee.
thick richly aromatic black Espresso liquid that tickles those neurons to life.
top it up with a little warm milk to ease its robust flavor.
after which followed by Mass at Church and a day of slacking at home with my Stats...
so much for solitary life... heh heh. i admit, it's as good as it gets =)
over the last many months, i've learnt to be patient and faithful to my Lord.
by practicing patience, i witnessed that His desires for me are fulfilled and not mine.
during that journey, events have proved to be unexpectedly pleasing.
it is only when you leave your life, needs and wants to Him faithfully and trustingly,
then great joy fills your heart. i just can't put these feelings into words.
for example i was pretty upset after Grandma lost my digicam.
now i am getting one for my birthday, with love from Daddy.
i curbed the urge to go buy one on my own and with patience came a greater reward.
the same has developed for friendship and studies.
patience, trust and faith.
Blessed is him who comes in the name of the Lord.
pris's bday
it's a Saturday and i'm back at NUS Science lib. peaceful place to clear some work.
woke up at 8am.. bio-clock finally back to normal working hrs.
gotta clear up Tolentino's forum on Pop-culture (damn this Filipino).
this week's forum on Althusser's Ideological State Apparatus.
crammed the reading after returning from Pris's birthday party last nite.
thank God i'm blessed in speed reading...
Mensa gathering was fun (as always =)
except this time we forgot to bring digicam. pity.
sorry girl! made u wait for 40mins.. =(
muck was rushing off for supper. choon was melting in the heat of the nite.
it's good to see Pris so happy nway.
yes, i am blogging in the lib. the god-damned laptop hard disk needs re-formatting.
and i do not know how to. knn...
going in JB for seafood dinner this evening with some RI friends.
eh.. i really wonder what time i will ever get home considering we are taking public transport.
hahahah. well, hope it'll be fun! very long never attended group outings =P
yah lah.. Zouk closed for renovations for a month. oh well.
not as if i club so perpetually that it'll ever affect my life. hahah.
lately been caught up with giving tuition amounting to 6 hrs a week,
settling down to my studies and thinking of term papers' topics...
if i get lucky, i get to meet frens for movie once a week and that's about it.
dear Wai still haven't scheduled our 2nd meeting for the project on Fertility...
man.. i foresee a delay in submission of findings again... sigh.
Life's a delicate balance between work, studies and living.
lecture me
bloggin in lecture hall now.
the wireless connection at my house has some problems and i suspect my laptop kana virus.
i'm totally frustrated with being disconnected from the entire world... i can't even msn!
anyway, going watch Dim Sum Dollies tonite at Esplanade, complimentary tickets from Gwen. going Asian Civilization Museum this Friday evenin. free entrance for students after 6pm.
they've got this exhibition on Faith and Religion, showcasing paraphernalia from the Vatican.
also got student-price tickets for the WOMAD 2005 (World of Music Arts and Dance).
this annual global event features club sets of funk-soul, tribal trance, afrikan drums and bass and even has a DJ Workshop! pity that Zap Mama and Talvin Singh are not performing this year...
school's been pretty okay i guess. when you're in yr 3, sch doesn't thrill u anymore.
one consolation is that i've got a decent time table with pretty short days =)
yah lah.. i'm doing both quantitative data analysis and qualitative research methods.
so i'll be spending lotsa time in the field and in the SPSS lab =/
yes lah.. i am structuring my education to a more methodology-based structure...
why are slices of bread covered with beaten egg and then fried called french toast?
i am jus curious. i miss my Mum's french toast.
it's been more than 8 years since i had that.
i have been hungry lately. especially when 11pm comes around.
suddenly feel like eating pasta and finish off with chocolate dessert.
or maybe soup noodles. or maybe crepes with ice cream.
ermm. i miss having Mum and Dad at home. they keep the fridge stocked with food.
what's left in my fridge now is...
1 carrot, 2 bell peppers, 1/2 a big mushroom, few apples and oranges.
there's not even instant noodles! sigh.
wanna eat something like bacon, bread and baked beans. yah lah, all the food starting with B =P
dear Michele, thanks for walking with me. you never fail to pull me up when i fall.
you laugh when i say the lamest jokes and only you girls know when i get angry.
why? it tells ah? heh heh.
dear Elaine, thanks for alwiz being with me in class. school won't be the same without you.
dear Joshua, thank you for alwiz being there to support and guide me.
yes, i know i alwiz bully you, tease you like F*** and ignore you when i feel like it.
thank you so much for accomodating my nonsense!
tissot
it was a fun filled weekend. too bad it lasted too short.
Fri was Villa Bali and ktv w a few new friends. that was awesome!
Sat nite... Michele was supposed to meet me... then cancelled w me... =(
and i was left walking around Raffles City shopping centre. alone.
ended up meeting Neil at New Asia Bar to drink 2 rounds of aperitifs.
then coz i wanted see fireworks,
but New Asia Bar was fully booked for 7.30 meaning we won't get a table,
Neil figured we could go up to Jaan French cuisine at Equinox.
i wasn't at all prepared for the fine french dining.
the clear view from the 70th storey of the Westin was... superb.
the ambience of the restaurant was avant-garde.
the service was prompt and non-intimidating.
the food was... pretty good for its price. Neil thought it was.. decent only.
call me 'swakoo' okay? but i have never tried fine french cuisine before. ever.
i had this crab soup and a main course of vegetable pastilla (steamed vege in pastry puff).
completed it with Moet & Chandon champagne.
Neil has clam soup and medium-rare steak, complete with white wine. it was sinfully divine.
the entire experience burnt $200 in Neil's wallet.. thanks lots guy! treat u back soon!
the nite didn't just end there. we drove down to Dempsey Rd to meet Neil's ex-gf Joanna
(she's a lawyer!) and his best friend Aaron (banking also).
we had 1 fruity white (topnote of rockmelon, body of lychees), followed by 1 pizza,
and ended with a Cab Sauvignon. ATAStrocratic company! the conversation was... fun!
Joanna is really intelligently witty and Aaron was cuddly.
if that drinking wasn't enough, we went down to Central Mall's Blue Bistro for more whisky.
ended the nite bitching about Gordon Wee.
Sunday... spent my afternoon walking around Orchard alone...
ate ice cream.. went to Hello Singtel to see mobiles phones..
bought a Tissot Titanium watch for $380.
retail therapy never fails to cheer me up.
awaiting my nex manicure session. i need a good spa too!
tmrw's monday.
back to school =/ after a long internship (which my office was at IPS nway).
vincent's going away. sad. thankfully elaine's still in my class.
a new beginning.
chocolate digicam
i don't like to blog about mundane stuff but i did. and i still do.
so what the heck.
c'mon, i slave for the Govn so i'll cut the crap on blogging abt Govn, policies and Singorean society. there're tons of books out there written by political scientists and sociologists already.
wanna know what i think? flip thru publications or get a copy of my essays.
leave my private life to something more light-hearted and fluffy!
yes, like charlie and the chocolate factory. marshmallows, chocolates and candies.
it was a pretty good movie, only Johnny Depp can pull off as the eccentric Willy Wonka.
and Tim Burton is the only director who can insert clips of horrendous musicals into a Roald Dahl story and still make it a box-office hit. *applause*
grandma lost my beloved Pentax digicam on a cab yesterday morning.
i was really upset. reported loss to the cab companies but no good news as yet.
i am such a jinx. it's the 2nd time my family has lost my camera.
*they never seem to lose themselves, do they?*
i finished my internship with IPS yesterday.
i will miss the office, miss the wonderful senior researchers and advisers.
i will miss the fun work and the writing.
i will miss the good view of the 8th floor library over-looking the port.
went out with Boon, PuayLim, Mike, Tuck, Hui Hui and Ting Yue for ktv.
mostly civil servants, engineers and 3 life-scientists from Biopolis. cool mix.
my goodness. the $20 was well worthy to see Puaylim live in concert,
doing Bon Jovi and Livin La Vida Loca'! it was a hilarious nite lah!
no, i don't ktv coz i hardly listen to chinese pop.
wait, make that i hardly listen to music. i don't rip mp3s either.
Power 98 it is. free music, free the enslaved minds.
woke up at 2.30pm.. slept only at 5am. bloody hungry.
supposed meet Mich and her family to watch fireworks tonite after dinner.
Mike initially asked me if i wanna go watch fireworks with him but i've already made plans.
sorry guy! have fun swimmin at Carol's place then! =)
it better not rain this evening.
tmrw wld be a day spent packing up stuff and preparing for the new semester.
yes, i've bought my social statistics textbook. filled to the brim with formulas. knn...
prayers
i am feeling weak. weak that i could crumble and cry.
i wish you would never leave,
coz you were my source of strength and wisdom.
but you have to go because it is your calling.
you have worked diligently and it's time to reap the harvest amidst the thorns.
give me time. i will read more widely and argue from more dimensions,
i will think more critically and be more cautious.
give me time and the chance to shine.
i don't want to be a disappointment.
i yearn for a pair of strong arms to fall into,
and a shoulder to cry on.
i need someone stronger and more resilient,
let me know that everything's fine.
i need a firm hand,
to guide me along this long road.
i feel small and weak.
i feel lonely and hungry.
i long for a companion who can take me on.
i want to cry but i have no time for tears.
please my Lord, do not forsake me.
do not abandon me, despite my lack of knowledge and strength.
Amen.
Senai airport private parking area, w the 9N-BOZ. no, i can't fly planes but Daddy dear can. thanks to Eng Tiong of Singapore Flying Club for everything today!
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a bistro at Senai airport. did i mention that the Lavender brand of pastries from breads, kueh lapis to mooncakes sucks? Seasons is better... in case anyone going in Johor to buy.
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Senai Airport Arrival, Johor. note that when you take Air Asia, there's no aerobridge...thus hassle.
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this man is the love of my life. Daddy darling! after take-off, we taxi back due to the heavy storm descending. delayed flight for 1 hour.
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on runway ready for take off this morning at seletar airport. using a Tampico N9BOZ.
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was at airport to send Liz off. that's Joshua, Ben and Liz.
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i didn't know that Changi Terminal 2 looks so swanky now. nice nice. tt time i went stil under renovations..
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